Boyz 2 Men were so right......

Somehow that song "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday" keeps running through my mind. i sang it during my whole bike ride to work today. it feels odd to be singing it, as if it cheapens this whole thing.

I'm definately in the hurting/dealing stage of this whole leaving thing. I've never been much of a goodbye person. i usually just smile and nod and kinda move on. This is definately my hardest time leaving, ever. Karlsruhe has become my home over the 3 years that i was here. Now i'm tearing myself away from all this and throwing myself back into the uncertainty of the "normal world." wait a minute. i didn't mean north america by that. i meant work and starting over in pretty much every aspect.

I've let myself experience life here and poured myself into friendships and the church. it definately makes me feel stupid for leaving....... don't ask me why i can't stay. i'm getting sick of answering or thinking of an answer. it was much easier to answer that question a year ago when i wasn't doing this goodbye thing and running through the lists of things that i'm leaving here.

keep your head up, kid. i'll be ok. don't worry. if it turns out that i'm not ok, then i'm to blame. doesn't that make things easier?

I have been blessed. I can't describe how much "thomashof" means to me. i've told a couple people, but i've been sitting in church the last year and often thinking about what it was going to be like when i would say goodbye to the church. each time i would almost start to cry. somehow i ended up not standing behind the pulpit, like i had pictured it so often. I didn't say the words i wanted to say, though i'm sure i wouldn't have been able to say much at all. I couldn't even finish singing the songs while playing guitar.

i'm rambling. this whole thing is hard. friday was lovely, sunday was a rollercoaster ride with tears. i'm not even gonna guess what Das Fest is going to be like. One thing is for sure though. A stogie will be smoked and tears will flow.