Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Why?

Ever had to read a description to someone about how their life was ruined, their family butchered, house burnt down, or body mutilated? How about then telling them that it doesn’t really matter? Would you choose to say “then they raped you” -or- “then they sexually assaulted you”?

Let me tell you that it’s awkward. It’s one thing to read about these types of things, but this is just not a fun situation to be in. The refugees that I work with have an interview where they have to explain to the German authorities why they left their country. After a few weeks they get the minutes of the interview, in German. I translate this back to them orally to insure that everything is correct, since that document is used to decide on their case.
Then they get the decision that says that they German government either doesn’t believe them, or that the hideous things that they experienced aren’t enough to entitle them to protection from being deported.
So many questions run through my mind in these situations.
“Oh Lord, how greatly you have blessed me!” How can so many go through so much suffering? How does a heart become cold enough to be able to do such heinous things? Are they so calloused from hate or have them just been hurt so badly themselves? How does someone emotionally and psychologically survive such crass abuse?
I never know what to say. I don’t say anything. I try to say the words as comforting and understanding as possible. “They forced you to come with them and told you each day that they would probably kill you.” “Question: Did you personally see them kill your father? Explain exactly what happened?”

“Lord, how can this happen?”

“Why do these people have to experience this?”

“Father, take away their pain.”

Monday, November 14, 2005

St. Martin and I are cool like that......


well 11/11 was the big day. i turned 26 in style. in the states, nov 11 is always veterans day, but over here in germany it's st. martin's day. i've been here for over 2 years and hadn't seen how it's celebrated. barbara came up from freiburg and we went to the st. martin's parade. i had told friends that i was going and they told me that it was just for kids. hmm.........
so i'll explain. there was this nice guy called st. martin. he helped people and road a horse and stuff. so in germany the kids make lanterns in school and then walk through the streets singing songs and whatnot. there are special st. martin songs and the hang a lantern(made of paper with a candle suspended in the middle) on a stick.
i didn't know that my birthday was special everywhere, so this was a nice surprise and a nice stroll through town with barbara and lots of mothers watching to make sure that the lantern candle doesn't go out. hard to explain it all. hope this gives you a glimpse of it all.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

growing a spine


so i've never been the type to ruffle other people's feathers. i don't like conflicts and tend to be more american and indirect than the germans. other's may tell you to your face that you've done something wrong, but i just hate that type of situation.
being in germany has definately "helped" me be more direct and better at making decisions. oh....... that's the other part. indecisiveness. yeah. i don't like making decisions or i usually just don't feel pulled in one direction or the other.
germans are much more direct than americans and will usually tell you what you're doing wrong or what you could do better. it's not rude. just honest and open. :-)
i think the culture, as well my work has made me be more direct and make more decisions on my own.
i've learned that there's a point where i give others too much room to have their own way against my will and my better judgement. i'm still really nice, but i think that i'm more confident of the decisions that i make or the advice that i give. i still don't like telling someone they're wrong, but i'm much better at standing my ground and seeing that i don't let the other person have their way because i don't want a conflict.
i'm right. aren't i?

Monday, November 07, 2005

dealing


friday night i got a call from my dad that my grandma was in the hospital. something happened and she ended up unconscious. they're still not quite sure what it was, but they ended up doing exploratory surgery and found lots of dead tissue, but no answer why. after a second try, they've gotten her off the breathing machine and she's alert and even sitting up in bed.
but friday night it sounded pretty bad and they weren't sure if she would come through it ok. barbara was with me, so we prayed about it and i decided to get away on saturday. saturday morning ulf said he would be going out to take pictures, so i got a ride up to thomashof and we walked through the woods and took pictures. i just needed the time to get away and clear my mind. later i got to sit in the church and play guitar and sing. it cleared my mind a bit and calmed me.
now all those questions from before about what will happen with grandma and grandpa are being answered quickly. mom is in PA now to help with moving and visiting in the hospital and dad is staying up as long as he can to give support. i have that feeling that alot of going on and i wish i could help or just be present with all the changes taking place.
distance is a wierd thing. it hurts more to be so far away and not be able to help, but it also gives a buffer so that i don't have the direct emotional contact with what's going on. so i swing between being too emotional in wishing that i could be there -and- with feeling too removed and not worrying/praying enough about what's going on there.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Ab die Post!!!!!!





So this was a long and interesting weekend. Saturday was the yearly "Mennocup" indoor soccer tournament for mennonite churches. There's a wandering trophy that the winner mennonite church takes home, then they're responsible to organize the tournament for the next year. i had planned to play for the thomashof team, but barbara's family decided to form a family team and invited me to play with them. the kärcher family team was called "Ab die Post!" cause barbara's brother, Johannes, worked for DHL. anyway. her whole family played. all 8 of them played. and her 2 foster sisters were cheerleaders for us. we didn't start off so well, losing our first game, but then didn't lose any more games. we just barely made the playoffs, but then went on to win the quarter and semi-final. then in the final we played 10 minutes and no one scored, so it went to penalty kicks. needless to say, we lost in penalty kicks.
so we took second place from 14 teams, and since we were the best team from a mennonite church we got the trophy and thomashof needs to plan it for next year.
you can check out more pics on ulf's website

Monday, October 24, 2005

what kind of goodbye?

i guess it's starting to hit me. my grandparents' health is starting to deteriorate and questions are starting to come back into my mind. when i left for albania for 9 months in 1999, my grandpa said goodbye like it was forever. he had had a stroke less than a year before and it wasn't clear how long he would live.
grandma and grandpa homer sold their house before i came to germany 2 years ago and now have been living in a retirement home and taking care of themselves without any nursing care being directly provided. mom and mostly aunt dee have been helping them to get around and with other problems they have. their health has continued to go downhill and some big questions are starting to arise about their living situation and how long they will be able to take care of themselves.
i hate being away and thinking of this. i've talked with my parents about what would happen if one or both of them would pass away while i'm still here. we thought i'd would be best that i not come back for the funeral. it makes sense, but it tears me up to think about it and to say goodbye from here. grandpa doensn't want to move to the "dying wing" of the retirement home with full care. it's true. i wouldn't want to go.
but at the same time.... they can't keep living like they are right now. it's too much for both of them.
it's quite a feeling. being here and not being able to influence what's happening there. i don't want to think about it. but i need to deal with it and that means thinking about it.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

outdone and sadly disapointed.

well. i thought that i liked to read classic books and that i had already read a good bit of the "classics", but as i just found out from Time magazine, i have only just begone. from what i figure, i've only read 8 of these classics. that's pretty sad. i will then be starting to read as many of these as i can get my hands on. it'll take a couple years, but i'm gonna increase my percentage.
for now i need to work on finishing pippi longstocking in german. that's my mission for the next week or so.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

crazy super quick weekend

for all your imformation, my girlfriend, barbara, just moved to freiburg where she's studying social work and the catholic university there. she's been there about 2 weeks and we've seen eachother the last 2 weekends. last weekend we met for a day at a wedding and then this weekend she came up to visit.
weekends are just too short, but this one flew by. friday night we helped watch the buffet and wash the dishes at a married couples evening at the church, which went till 1 in the morning. then yesterday i practiced soccer with her family, cause we're playing in a yearly mennonite soccer tournament in a couple weeks. then last night we went to a cameroonian cultural festival with jens. it was supposed to start at 5 PM, so we got there at 6:30 PM to be on time. but they didn't start with the program until 2 hours later. lots of cool drumming and dancing, then we danced around to cameroonian music for a couple hours, getting home after 1 AM.
then today was church, then a 5 hour meeting at my apartment for youth leaders in the church (she wasn't there). she came afterwards at around 7 and we took a walk for a while, then watched the others play Settlers of Catan or whatever it's called.
i'm wiped out from a weekend of late nights and alot of activity, but barbara is leaving tommorrow morning to head back to freiburg, so we hung out and talked until a few minutes ago. so it's presently Monday morning and i need to get to bed and get some sleep for work tommorrow.
though i have more good stories to tell.
oh......... and the chicken was great!!!!! it was really tender. plus the peppers and onions that i bakes with it was wonderful. i also got a great broth from it. after my first chicken meal, i picked off the meat and make a soup with it. so that's how the chicken was. yummy.

Friday, October 14, 2005

a foot in the door.

so barbara and i were asked to help cater the married couples evening at the church. this meant setting up the prepared food, making sure everything was ok and washing most of the dishes. it was only for married couples, but we somehow were able to sneak in under the radar because of helping and our dating status. we didn't catch any of the special message for the night or the handouts that the couples got to fill out, but we were sideline participants.
either way, i'm tired beyond belief. we started at 7 and went until about 1 in the morning. and today was a long day, starting with 2 hours of soccer with refugees, then climbing to the Turmberg and back down and then cleaning up around the apartment before the married couple thinger. so i'm gonna crash and try not to think about how long tommorrow night might go.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

first chicken of the year.

who would have guessed that it would take me 10 months to finally buy a chicken. i'm not talkin about no expensive or big chicken. we're talkin about the ALDI type that costs a couple bucks. i've been rolling past them with my shoppin cart for 2 years, mumbling that they're too expensive. well i finally became rational and decided to splurge and buy the bird. it's been in the freezer for a couple weeks and i decided yesterday that it's the time. so i got it out last night and thawed it out. after work today i made my best attempt at preparing it with butter, pepper, and salt. then came the red and yellow peppers and sliced onions. it cooked for an hour and looked done, but it was kinda waterblogged and i decided that it wasn't done. so now i'm letting her go another 20 minutes and guessing that that will be enough. i'll be pretty disappointed if my first chicken in 2 years turns out to be crappy. i'll eat it anyway. but it'll be sad.

once and for the first time....

well............... i don't really know what i'm getting into here, but i thought i'd just on the blog boat and see if i actually get into this thing. i'm sure i'm got plenty of fotter rattling around in my mind to fill this page. so let's see what happens.
.......how about i start tommorrow after actually doing some work today.