what kind of goodbye?

i guess it's starting to hit me. my grandparents' health is starting to deteriorate and questions are starting to come back into my mind. when i left for albania for 9 months in 1999, my grandpa said goodbye like it was forever. he had had a stroke less than a year before and it wasn't clear how long he would live.
grandma and grandpa homer sold their house before i came to germany 2 years ago and now have been living in a retirement home and taking care of themselves without any nursing care being directly provided. mom and mostly aunt dee have been helping them to get around and with other problems they have. their health has continued to go downhill and some big questions are starting to arise about their living situation and how long they will be able to take care of themselves.
i hate being away and thinking of this. i've talked with my parents about what would happen if one or both of them would pass away while i'm still here. we thought i'd would be best that i not come back for the funeral. it makes sense, but it tears me up to think about it and to say goodbye from here. grandpa doensn't want to move to the "dying wing" of the retirement home with full care. it's true. i wouldn't want to go.
but at the same time.... they can't keep living like they are right now. it's too much for both of them.
it's quite a feeling. being here and not being able to influence what's happening there. i don't want to think about it. but i need to deal with it and that means thinking about it.