Stuck on the inside.

I was at work saturday morning to help finish a steeple that we needed to get ready to ship to wisconsin. It's not a big steeple, so the inner structure isn't very large. someone needed to climb up inside the steeple, which is lying on it's side, to put some rivets on the inside. the inner structure is a long narrow pyramid, with braces holding it together, making several squares on the inside, getting smaller towards the top.
the 4 of us there started discussing who would fit through the second to last square in the structure, where you would need to rivet the pieces into place. long story short, i tried and just barely fit my upper body through, having to push one arm and shoulder through first, and then the second. it was a really tight fit.
the square was 11' 3/8 inches (29 cm) across. the fun started when i tried to get back out. i pushed an arm back through and started trying to squeeze out. it didn't work. i layed in side for several minutes, trying different angles and techniques.

the thoughts ran through my mind.......... is blood rushing to my muscles, so i can't fit back out....... can i crawl out another way......how would they get me out of here if i'm really stuck........this things would 10s of thousands of dollars....... oh man, how dumb.

I finally found the right angle to get my second shoulder back through the hole. I spent the rest of the day thinking about that hopeless feeling. the bruising on my ribs helped keep the reality of the stupity of my actions, or what could have been, running through my mind.

My shortlived taste of helplessness and fear........

I was listening to a show on public radio on the way home from church the other week and was interested and hit pretty hard by what was on. it was a special on juvenial delinquents. In no other country are youth treated like they are in the US legal system. In certain cases, youth can be charged and sentenced as adults. the craziest part of the program, or of US laws in this area, is a law in the state of Colorado that says that a youth that is involved in acrime where someone is murdered can be sentenced to life in prison without bail. That means..... I'm 15. my friends and I decide to rob a store, but not to hurt anyone. i don't bring a gun, but a friend of mine does and ends up shooting and killing someone................... I, go to jail for the rest of my life.

Crazy stuff. This law just seems crazy to me. I don't understand how we can have laws that are just this brutal. I've never had someone close to me that's been murdered and can't say that i can even begin to know how victims' families feel, but this just seems wrong in so many ways.

I can't imagine going to jail as a 15 year old, knowing that i'll never get back out again. never live a normal life again. that, and the thought of being in jail just scares the bagibits out of me.

I started writing this several weeks ago and haven't been able to get it out of my mind...... take the time to listen to that show if you have a chance.